When The Past Becomes The Present
by LoveLiveLaugh96
Summary: Victoria is faced with a horrific experience that affects her future as a Queen. With the loss of her husband will the past help to make her future? Or will it destroy it. Multi Chapter. Rating may change as story goes on.
1. Penny For Your Thoughts

_**Penny for Your Thoughts  
**_

A hand touched the Priminister's shoulder, waking him from his slumber. Blinking to the mornings sunlight coming through the windows he looked up at the servant who held a worried expression.

''I am sorry to wake you sir, but I believe the mornings paper may be of importance to you'' He held the paper in his hand, but Lord Melbourne could not see the contents of it.

Confusion struck him, he had been retired from parliament for nearly a year now, living in the quiet, peaceful setting of Brocket Hall to wallow in his own loneliness at giving up the woman that had restored life back into his very being.

He sat up in his chair and took the paper which the servant offered. Unfolding it the front page struck him like a blow to the head.

 _Shock as Queen Victoria's Husband Albert drowns in ice skating accident._

Lord Melbourne blinked a few times before reading it again, just to make sure his sleep ridden mind had read it correctly.

Disbelief took every word away from him. He couldn't help but worry about Victoria's current state of mind.

He had not seen her since the ball he was invited to. Their relationship had changed so much, he saw how much she loved Albert. They did not share their talks anymore, she did not write to him as much.

Time changed their relationship, but as nothing more than a friend he feared the young woman would be in a terrible state.

Lord Melbourne could not read the rest of the paper. Handing it back to the servant he simply said ''Coffee'' and watched the servant leave the room.  
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Victoria's mother rushed down the corridors, her heels tapping away on the stone as she seeked out her daughter's chambers.

Baroness Lehzen stood in the hallway. The Duchess stopped, knowing full well that Victoria would not be far away from her Baroness after the events that have happened. She noticed a letter in her hands.

''Baroness'' The Duchess said breathlessly ''Where is my daughter, I simply must see her''

''She is waiting for you, she was playing the piano only a few moments ago'' Lehzen said plainly.

''Oh'' The Duchess could not hide her surprise. ''Thankyou'' She turned to go but stopped ''I have my bags in the carriage, could you please send for somebody to take them to my wing?'' Lehzen nodded at the order and walked off.

Victoria's mother carried on walking down the hall way, the piano was no longer being played, but when she reached the double glass doors she saw her daughter sitting on the bench beside it, looking through the sheets of music.

She walked in. Victoria turned to face her, standing from her seat she walked over to her mother. Her face was solid, she was not carrying any emotion, she had not been crying The Duchess noted with slight confusion. But to her shock Victoria embraced her in a hug, clinging to her mother as if she would float away.

Victoria sighed deeply into her mother's shoulder as she soothed her daughter with quiet words.

''I am so sorry for your loss Drina, I came as soon as I heard. How awful it must be for you''

''It was an accident mama, I cannot dwell on it. I tried so very hard to save him, but he did not resurface for so long, by the time I was able to pull him out he was already dying''

The Duchess loosened her grip on her daughter and stepped back to observe her. The fact the young woman did not seem very upset by the events worried her. ''It must have been very traumatic for you, perhaps we should get Sir James to look at you'' The Duchess tilted her head as she tucked a trendil of hair behind her daughter's ear.

''I am perfectly well mother'' Victoria walked back over to the piano. ''Sir Robert Peel will be here soon, I sent for him as I now have a mountain of work to attend to''

''I see, do you not think it is too early, perhaps you should wait until after Christmas''

''Albert...'' Victoria's voice faltered a little, taking a deep breath, she continued ''Albert thought a lot of Christmas, however I did not, so it makes no difference to me. I would rather get things sorted now, so that we can begin to move on''

The Duchess was shocked at her daughter's reactions. She was expecting Victoria to be in pieces, inconsolable, heartbroken, devastated. But instead she seemed lifeless, and mechanical.

''Very well Drina, I shall go and settle myself in, I will check on you later'' She could not hide the concern in her voice.

As the door shut Victoria placed a hand over her mouth, holding back the sob that threatened to escape.  
=======================================================================================================

Lord Melbourne opened the letter that had the royal stamp on it. His hands he noticed trembled a little, in fear of what might be lying underneath the sealed envelope.

 _Dear Lord Melbourne,  
_

 _I am sure you have been made aware of The Queen's now deceased husband. Her behaviour has become very out of character, The Queen's staff and her ladies are growing increasingly worried for Her Majesty's state of mind._

 _I sincerely hope you can come and visit Her Majesty, we are sure you will be able to bring her to talk about the terrible events and hopefully lift her spirits a little._

 _Baroness Lehzen._

Lord Melbourne read the letter two or three times, he had only ever received a letter from Victoria's Baroness once, when he resigned as Priminister and she would not leave her room.

He was becoming increasingly worried about her, her ladies and the Baroness have always supported Victoria, and at times disagreed with things that the pair of them had done, for the Baroness to write to Lord Melbourne himself troubled him deeply.

He stood from his seat. Walking towards the doors he shouted from his room, one of his staff came up the stairs.

''Please send for Lady Emma Portman straight away, tell her it is a matter of urgency'' He asked, and the young man bowed and made his way back down the stairs.  
=======================================================================================================

Victoria walked around the ball room, the trees were decorated beautifully. Albert had such a clear image in his mind of how he wanted everything to look. Victoria admired all the little detail that he had placed into organising the room. Her dog sniffing round every tree, exploring the room which was locked almost daily so that nobody could see his workings.

Victoria seated herself at the back of the room, her dog, dash jumped on the seat and settled himself beside her.

''It will be no different from all the other Christmases, just you and me'' Victoria petted the dog who had been with her the whole time.

''Sir Robert Peel'' The voice sounded from the door. Victoria stood from her seat as the Priminister walked into the room, got down on one knee and kissed her hand.

''I am deeply saddened to hear about the passing of your husband ma'am, may I offer my condolences''

Victoria tilted her chin up ''Thank you. I believe there is much to sort out''

''Indeed ma'am but it is early days, why don't you wait until after Christmas, give yourself a little time, it will be easier for you''

''For goodness sake!'' Victoria snapped ''I am not ill! I have a duty to ensure that everything remains as it should, the world doesn't just stop because somebody dies now does it'' Victoria realised the tone of her voice had changed, she immediately regretted snapping at him. ''Forgive me Robert, my nerves have been tried the last few days. Everybody is fussing round me like I am some child. I do not need any time off, or rest. If anything, the busier I am the happier I will be'' She offered a small smile to the now speechless Priminister.

''I am sorry ma'am, I was not aware that these are your wishes, of course we can sort everything out. I will arrange a meeting with the Privy Council at once. I am guessing that Albert's family will be coming to the palace at some point''

''My mother has probably already invited them, but if she has not then I suppose I will do'' Victoria sounded most displeased at the idea.

''I will need to speak to them, to discuss the allowance and what shall happen in the security of titles as an heir was not produced''

''Of course'' Victoria remained formal and emotionally withdrawn from the conversation.

''I applaud your bravery ma'am'' He spoke carefully ''You are lucky to be surrounded by your friends at such a difficult time''

''Thankyou Sir Robert, I shall be in touch''

The priminister bowed and backed away from the Queen, making his exit from the room once again leaving her in her own company.  
======================================================================================================

Victoria walked through the corridors of the palace, every member of staff that walked past her bowed their heads and remained quiet, her ladies followed at a respectable distance, none of them talking. The palace seemed to be in mourning.

''Emma'' Victoria called to her lady without turning around. ''Would you mind telling Mrs Skerrett to change me for riding? I cannot stand to be in this palace any longer''

Emma looked at Harriett as the pair shared a worried glance ''Of course Your Majesty'' Emma replied before heading off to find Victoria's dresser.

======================================================================================================  
''Mrs Skerrett'' Emma caught the dressers attention. ''The Queen would like to go riding, she wishes to be changed''

The dresser said nothing but nodded and went off to Victoria's private chambers.

Emma was following Mrs Skerrett when Lord Alfred stopped her.

''Excuse me ma'am, but Lord Melbourne has sent a request that you join him at Brocket Hall immediately''

''I do not think it would be wise to leave The Queen at such a time, please tell him I shall visit him in due course''

''I believe it is regarding The Queen ma'am'' Lord Alfred pressed ''I gave a letter from the palace to our messenger just this morning which was addressed to Brocket Hall''

Emma paused, thinking it over. ''Yes, ok. Please will you send for my carriage and tell the Queen I have been called away for a few hours. But do not tell her I have gone to Brocket Hall, it may upset her further''

Lord Alfred nodded his head and went off to obey Emma's orders.  
=======================================================================================================

Victoria walked her horse through the chilled afternoon air, the light would soon begin to fade. She saw her breath disappear into the sky as she relished the fresh air hitting her lungs and clearing her mind. She had always hated riding alone, but this time, being around other people was just becoming suffocating.

Victoria closed her eyes for a moment, her head spun with thoughts and emotions that she was struggling to understand. What annoyed her about it was that other people seemed to think they could relate to her feelings. Yes, truth be told that everybody has suffered a loss of a loved one at some point in their lives, but Albert was not just a loved one, and she was not just an ordinary woman, however much she wished she was sometimes. Nobody really understood.

She felt warm tears fall from her eyes then, her throat felt tight. But then she realised that she was alone, and finally, for the first time since that awful day Victoria let out a series of wracked sobs. With only her horse as witness the Queen let out every tear, every sob, every heave that she had had to hold in due to constantly having people fussing around her.

Squeezing her horses sides, she cantered off down the narrow track, observing how the trees guided her way like a light in a dark tunnel.

=======================================================================================================

Emma stepped through the big doors of Brocket Hall, being welcomed by one of Lord Melbourne's doormen.

''Good evening Mrs Portman, Lord Melbourne is expecting you, he is in his drawing room''

Emma smiled and made her way through the large house. Opening the door, she let herself into his drawing room.

''This better be good William'' Emma seeked him in his usual chair, although she noted he had spent much of the day in his Glass houses given his state of undress.

Lord Melbourne sat up a little bit as he reached for his glass of Brandy. ''I heard about Albert's death''

Emma sat herself down in the chair beside him. ''She is acting most peculiar, she seems almost emotionless''

''Is that so strange?'' He enquired, remembering his own reactions when faced with close family death.

''She wants to meet with the Privy council almost immediately, she has already spoken with Robert Peel, if we say such as one thing that she may not like she snaps, her mother got given the cold shoulder, we cannot bring her to talk, she spends most of her time alone, she went riding out this afternoon alone you know''

He remembered listening to many awful stories about how much Victoria had hated Kensington because of how isolated that she had been, she had always openly spoke of her emotions, and inclinations, good or bad. ''This will be a new one for her, she is dealing with it how she wishes. What about the Baroness?'' He asked before sipping his brandy once more.

''She will not talk to her, Lehzen spends much of her time alone. Vickie will not entertain anyone'' Emma replied.

He saw his friend's worry for the young Monarch. ''Lehzen wrote to me this morning, asking if I would visit the palace, to try and lift the Queens spirits, but I do not think this is wise, she would not want more people around if she is behaving like this''

''I disagree William'' Emma replied quickly ''I think she would enjoy your company, you always had a way of bringing her out of even the worst moods. She is doing her boxes and writing her letters as if nothing has happened, but she isn't fooling anyone, its just a shame she doesn't trust anybody to talk to in confidence''

''We are not that close anymore, I hardly hear from her, im sure it would put a sense of awkwardness in the palace'' He swirled his Brandy glass around in his hand, watching the liquid slosh about in the glass.

''She misses you William'' Emma's reply caused his head to shoot up, looking over to his friend in half disbelief.  
Emma nodded and smiled for the first time since arriving. ''Perhaps you should move back in to London for a few weeks, if nothing else but for Victoria''

He had to choose his words rather carefully, knowing how much Emma already knew. ''Maybe''  
=======================================================================================================

Victoria looked out at the gardens below the palace, the snow had fallen again over night, dusting the land with sparkle against the morning sunshine, the air was still, the frost on the trees and frozen lake making the area look tranquil and magical. She touched her palm to the window, feeling the icy cold glass kiss her warm hand.

''Penny for your thoughts?'' The voice behind her caused Victoria to jump around from the window.

''Lord Melbourne'' Victoria said with a slightly surprised but also meaningless expression.

 _ **Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading!**_


	2. A Troubled Mind

_**A Troubled Mind**_

Victoria remained beside the window as she took in the sight of Lord Melbourne. She could not describe her feelings, they mixed and mingled together giving her a sense of unease at one of her oldest and closest friends.

But they were not close anymore, time had pushed them apart, and seeing his slightly aged face and form standing in her private chambers, a place that Robert Peel had never stepped foot in, stabbed her with sadness.

''How nice of you to come and visit me Lord Melbourne, I am sure you have heard about Albert'' Victoria cupped her hands at her waist and looked across at her dog who laid peacefully beside the fire.

She had put a front up at him. Something he had only seen her do a handful of times and all to people whom she disliked. He couldn't blame her, but it made him realise why people were worried about her. ''Yes, I read it in the paper just a few days ago''

''And you have come to offer your condolences, or try to reassure me that I am not the only one to of suffered the loss of a loved one, that it will get better with time and I shall re marry again'' Her tone was cold and sharp, almost encouraging him not to answer.

''Not at all ma'am, I came to offer my company to you, unless you would rather I leave?'' Lord Melbourne half turned around as if he was about to head back the way he came.

He saw her face change, as if she was contemplating her answer. She sighed and walked over to the fire, seating herself beside the dog.

''You may sit Lord Melbourne'' Victoria pointed to the chair opposite her.

He seated himself, rubbing his hands together he looked up at her. Truthfully Victoria had greatly missed his company, but a part of her resented his lack of contact. ''I am surprised that you came to the palace, I have not heard from you for so long. I suppose you had better things to do with your time after you retired from parliament''

He let out half a laugh ''Certainly not. Apart from my glass houses at Brocket Hall and a bit of writing here and there I find myself rather bored at times. Retiring from Parliament relieved me of great stress, but it also relieved me of great friends''

''You could of come to the palace'' Victoria reminded him coldly.

He knew that she had grown and matured since marrying, that her life as a Queen educated her on something new every single day, but her life experience she now no doubt had would make it harder for him to cover his on feelings on such matters. ''I fear the prince felt rather uneased by my presence, as did his family. I did not want to intrude on your new marriage, however much it upset me to do so''

She suddenly found herself at a loss for words. ''Why did you not write to me?''

''It would of pleased me greatly to write to you, but it is not looked fondly upon for a Queen to write to her old Priminister. In fact, it may of never have happened''

''I write to all my friends Lord Melbourne, you retiring from parliament should of made no difference'' Victoria remarked

''I was more than a friend though'' He reminded her. His voice laced with sadness and heart ache.

For the first time in nearly a week Victoria could label how she was feeling. She felt pain, sorrow, sadness and… lonely. Just like he did. Victoria sighed ''I am sorry Lord Melbourne, I have been insensitive towards you, that was not my intention''

''You did what was best for your future'' He replied plainly ''You are not insensitive for that''

''I should have insisted on keeping in contact with you. I have missed our talks'' A small smile traced her lips as she visibly softened to her friend. It warmed his heart to see her a little more at ease.

''Well, perhaps we could make the most of today. I am sure you have much to tell me'' He leaned back in his chair, but he saw her expression change again.

''I do not think I can tell you anything, mainly because I cannot make sense of it myself''

''Grief comes in many shapes and forms ma'am, perhaps you should try to accept it rather than make sense of it''

''It isn't grief that I am struggling to understand'' She looked at him, her eyes shining with unshed tears.

Confusion and worry struck him ''What is it that you are struggling with ma'am?'' But as soon as he asked the question she visibly stiffened.

''It doesn't matter, it is done now. I feel trapped in my own home at the moment, every time I leave my chambers somebody is following me and asking if I am ok'' He heard the frustration in her voice beginning to rise.

''Perhaps we should go for a walk? Or a ride? Get some fresh air. The staff are just worried about you. But I understand it can be suffocating sometimes''

================================================================================

The snow crunched beneath the horse's hooves as the couple walked down the woodland paths. The palace was out of sight and against Lord Melbourne's advice, Victoria had insisted the guards did not follow their ride today.

''Do you ever feel trapped in your own mind sometimes?'' Victoria broke the somewhat comfortable silence they shared. The mood was different, not like the time they used to spend together. _Time has passed, people change_ Lord Melbourne reminded himself. But the fact she has changed so much hurt him more than he thought it would.

''All the time ma'am. I find the lack of company makes it worse. Distraction is the avoidance''

''What If you do not wish to avoid it, what then?'' Victoria pried.

He did not know where she was going with this. ''Then perhaps it Is something you need to think about more carefully''

She scoffed. ''I have never given something so much thought in my life''

Silence covered their mood once more. Lord Melbourne looked around, he had missed the rides in the park. ''We shared such talks down these paths'' He reminisced

''Yes, I suppose we did. How things have changed''

The couple went down into a slight dip. The snow laid thicker here as the tree's opened up. The horses seemed somewhat uneased as they reached the bottom. The ground was covered in the thick snow. Neither horse nor rider could see the footing underneath.

Victoria's horse became uneased, suddenly slowing down as the snow thickened. As he stepped out again the sound of a sharp crack came from the ground. Her horse spooked, jumping into the air at the sudden noise throwing Victoria onto the floor.

Melbourne jumped off his horse before Victoria had a chance to stand.  
''Are you alright ma'am?'' His voice remained calm, but Victoria could see the worried expression on his face.

Victoria began to panic. ''I think we are on ice'' Her breathing increased, ''We must move quickly!'' She struggled to stand.

She felt his warm hand on her back and the other holding her hand, he remained still and calm. ''Try not to panic ma'am'' He kicked the snow from the ground revealing a partially frozen shallow puddle. ''You are perfectly safe, it was just the noise that spooked your horse''

Victoria looked up the small slope to see her horse standing on the firmer ground once more. She couldn't help but laugh ''He has more common sense than us'' She began to stand.

Even once the Queen was on her feet Lord Melbourne would not release her. She felt his warm embrace as he guided her through the snow up the slope to her horse. ''Are you quite sure you are alright? I can walk us back if you would prefer''

She studied his face for a moment, his eyes searching hers. She could see the compassion he held for her. How he cared for her still. ''You care about me'' She replied plainly.

He got caught off guard. ''Of course,'' He searched her eyes, what a funny thing to say.  
Without warning Victoria embraced him in a hug, clinging to him as she buried her head into his shoulder.  
He froze for a moment, unsure of what to do or say. But to her delight he eventually wrapped his own arms around her, and the couple stood like that for a moment, or an hour. Neither could recall how long.

Once she parted from his embrace she searched his features once more, and could see the confusion etched across his face. A smile crossed her lips, and she could not help but laugh.

''I am sorry'' Victoria said, still smiling. ''Sometimes it is a great a great comfort to know how you really feel Lord M, your face often hides your emotions'' 

She smiled at her. She used his nickname, one that he had not heard for so long. It made his heart thump that little bit harder for her.

 _Why though did she think that she was not cared for?_

Squeezing his arms before finally releasing him Victoria walked over to her horse, before Lord Melbourne assisted her with re mounting.

================================================================================== 

Victoria's group of ladies all sat round a table, a tea pot with tea cups set in the middle.

''They have been gone for nearly 2 hours'' Harriett said, looking over to the window ''Do you think they are alright?''

''I am sure they are fine'' Emma answered ''William may well be able to get her to talk if they are left alone''

''Does the Duchess know that he is here?'' One of the other ladies questioned.

''I don't believe so. But im sure word will get around soon enough''

==================================================================================

The palace was now in sight. Victoria and Lord Melbourne had been out for a good while, but as soon as she saw the sight of what awaited gave her the compelling urge to stay away. ''Can we not go for a little bit longer, we may see some deer now that the light was fading''

He looked over to her ''I remember you telling me you did not like the deer, that they spooked your horse once. Do you not wish to go back to the palace?''

''No'' She sighed ''I do not want to go back to what is waiting for me''

''And what might that be'' He asked

Victoria did not answer, she just continued to walk along side him up towards the palace, where the grooms stood waiting to take their mounts.

The warmth of the palace was to Victoria's surprise a welcomed treat. Lord Melbourne walked respectfully behind her as they headed up the corridors.

Victoria sighed as she saw her mother walking down the stair case towards her.  
''Drina, where on earth have you been I have been worried-'' The Duchess stopped, her eyes looking at Lord Melbourne.

''We went out for a ride, but ended up getting lost. Didn't we Lord Melbourne?'' Victoria turned to look at her companion.

''I see'' Her mother began. ''My brother and Ernest are here, they would like to see you''

''How kind of you it was to invite them, without my permission might I add'' Victoria spat the last part out.

''They had a right to be invited Drina'' The Duchess tried to reason with Victoria

Lord Melbourne kept respectfully apart from the two women but could feel the tension flooding the air.

''Well I will not see them until we dine together tonight, I have some letters to write'' Victoria walked past her mother before she had a chance to answer.

==================================================================================

Lord Melbourne sat beside the fire, warming his hands. He watched the now much older dog walk towards him and sit beside him, basking in the warmth it emitted also.

''If only you could speak'' Lord Melbourne placed a delicate hand on the dog's head and gently stroked him.

Victoria walked towards the doorway, her eyes immediately drawn to the two of them sitting side by side. Her dear Dash looked so at ease with him, a picture that Victoria had never witnessed with Albert, who merely dismissed the dog as Victoria's and never made the effort to be affectionate towards him.

She momentarily felt at peace.

''That's better'' She spoke up causing Lord Melbourne to stand from his seat. ''My riding outfits are so heavy in the winter''

He watched her walk towards him. The deep red dress lined with a floral hem hugged her figure beautifully, outlining the shape of her corset and slender hips. The dress flowed over her bottom half with the floral design laying at the base of the dress to.

 _She has matured into a beautiful young woman_. He thought to himself.

''Your company has been much appreciated today Lord M, I suppose you will head back to Brocket Hall this evening'' 

''No, I will stay in London for a short while. I have been meaning to come back anyway''

''I see'' Victoria tried to hide the happiness she felt, after all she shouldn't be feeling joyful at having another man within her company so soon after Albert. ''Then you simply must stay for dinner''

''I do not think that is wise ma'am'' he hesitated ''I am sure Alberts family will want your attention tonight, I will most likely be in the way'' 

''Lord Melbourne. They are guests here. You are a guest here, I wish for you to stay here with me this evening'' Victoria pressed. ''Please''

He saw something in her expression. ''Are you quite alright ma'am?'' Concern etched his voice.

''Yes'' She lied. ''I am very well''

===============================================================================

The group all sat round the table, talking amongst themselves as they finished their meal.

''I must admit I was surprised to see you here this evening Lord Melbourne'' Leopold said from beside him.

''I was in London tending to some business, after hearing the Queen's loss I came to visit her'' Lord Melbourne looked across at Victoria who was talking to one of her ladies. She caught his eye for a second but kept her attention on her ladies. 

''She must be in a terrible state, I know how much she adored Albert. They were so good together''

Lord Melbourne did not need reminding of how much she loved her husband ''I am assuming you are here to talk to Robert Peel'' He tried to veer the subject off a little.

''Yes'' Leopold begun but almost stopped himself. Smiling at Lord Melbourne he looked over to Victoria. 

''I was rather hoping we could have a chat Victoria'' Leopold spoke across the table to her; her ladies went quiet. Much to Lord Melbourne's annoyance he could hear the patronising tone in her voice.

''Yes Uncle, of course'' Victoria stood from the table. Everybody stood along with her. Her and Leopold left the room together.

A few moments later Lord Melbourne stood. Making his excuses he walked towards the doors and made his way to leave.

''I have been told to keep you here'' Emma's voice stopped him in his tracks. Placing his hands in his pocket and rolling his eyes he turned around to face her.

''I think you will find The Queen will be busy for most of the evening now''

''This is the most she has spoken since the Princes passing you must take some credit for that'' Emma reminded him politely.

''I admit that something is bothering her, but she has not told me what it is''

''Well, if she is going to tell anyone...'' Emma turned back around and headed towards the room in which all the ladies and Victoria's family had gathered.

Shrugging off his coat once more he let out a huff and followed Emma.

=================================================================================

''How long are you staying?'' Victoria stood rock solid to her uncle.

''However long it takes, I am concerned for you Victoria'' He stepped towards her, but she stepped away from him. 

''Please Uncle, niceties are not essential. I know my mother invited you, without my permission might I add. Any meetings you have with Sir Robert Peel I will be there. And I shall make him aware of that to'' Victoria held her tone with her Uncle.

''Victoria, I understand you must be very upset''

Victoria laughed ''That doesn't even begin to cover it'' Her anger was beginning to rise. ''No meetings regarding my husband are to be conducted without me being present. Is that understood?''

Leopold nodded his head, unsure of what to say. Victoria walked past him and made her way over to the door. 

''Is everything ok?'' Victoria turned back to her uncle. 

''Everything is fine uncle'' Victoria smiled for a split second before walking out.

==================================================================================

The young Monarch practically ran down the corridor, flying past the room where the group of people sat waiting for her. Lord Melbourne caught the fleeting figure and recognised her by the colour of her dress.

Standing quietly avoiding any conversations he made his way out of the room and headed up the corridor in the direction she was headed. After a few moments he found her, sitting in a quiet hallway with her head in her hands.

''Are you alright ma'am?'' Lord Melbourne clasped his hands behind his back as her head shot up and she caught his eye. 

He could see her thinking over her answer, as if what was on the tip of her tongue was nearly impossible to say. ''Yes'' Victoria stood and walked towards him ''I am perfectly well''

It was clear there was something troubling the Queen.

 _ **We have all been there, right? When you lose a loved one the days just slip by, you half forget what went on. I wanted to try and capture that. Not entirely sure if I have done. Please leave a review if you get a minute. Its lovely to see all the views the chapters receive.**_


	3. Brocket Hall

_**Brocket Hall**_

 _ **I wanted to give the first part of this chapter a good deal of attention, but I found it to difficult to do so, I fear I may of ruined the emotional attachment as a result, but nobody likes funerals do they… Hope you enjoy.**_

Victoria watched the coffin get lowered into the ground. The church yard was full to the brim with friends and family. Whilst outside the gates stood hundreds of people, silently watching the Albert's burial.

Victoria felt tears brim at her eyes. She had spoken in the church, wishing her husband a peaceful rest and thanking him for the love and devotion he gave to her in the short time they were together. She had not shed a single tear; her voice had not faltered. But looking out at the rows of people sitting quietly as her words echoed around the church she saw people crying.

What got her was chucking the white rose onto his coffin as it was sat in the ground. Victoria felt a stab of pain as she backed away from the grave, allowing other family members to do the same. She would never see him again, she had so many questions to ask him, and would never get the answers she needed.

She heard the sniffing and sobs from around her, but used her bonnet to shield her face from the view of others. Still she remained quiet, and still she did not cry.

Victoria said her good wishes to Alberts family and friends, along with her own family which had joined her at the funeral. She smiled warmly at them all. Receiving comments about how brave she was, and how she was doing her country proud.

Victoria felt like shouting at every person that patronised her in such a way. For they did not understand. Lord Melbourne walked up the row of people, catching her eye as he stood and watched her greet every person and wish them well on their journey home. She was aware he was watching her, but chose not to look back.

Finally, Victoria stepped into her carriage, she had told her ladies she wished to travel alone. Once the doors shut and the horses began to move Victoria closed her eyes. She wanted to cry, to sob and to grieve, but felt she couldn't. Her troubled mind burdened her from the moment she woke up, to the moment she fell asleep at night, if she even did sleep.  
======================================================================================================

Victoria stepped out of the carriage at the palace. She immediately saw Robert Peel who stood at the bottom of the steps leading up to the double doors.

Victoria looked behind her at the empty grounds. No work men, no servants, no horses. The entire palace felt deserted.

''Where is everybody?'' Victoria asked as she accepted the drivers hand, stepping out of the carriage.

''Your family have ordered the staff to give you some space'' Peel answered carefully.

Victoria sighed, walking past Robert Peel and up the steps, rage bubbled over.  
''Your Majesty'' His voice from behind her stopped her on her decent. ''I was rather hoping you would perhaps make an appearance to the public, there are some big crowds waiting for you''

Victoria held her own, for it was not her Priminister's fault. ''Of course,'' Victoria smiled and followed him.

Victoria stood on the ground where she usually was mounted to inspect the troops. Instead of the men and their horses there stood a huge crowd of working people. All in complete silence.  
She had no words for them, she did not expect to have to make a speech. Victoria held her hands together before lifting one and waving towards the crowd.

The silence amongst so many people was deafening, she was used to the volume of people, but with that came a great deal of noise, the silence carried such emotion as she watched her public mourn the loss of her husband.

Victoria turned to Robert, who stood a few steps back from her ''May I leave now?'' The Priminister nodded and went to guide her back into the palace.  
The crowd began to clap as she headed indoors.  
=======================================================================================================

The corridors were empty. The palace was eerily quiet. How dare her family think it is ok to dismiss her staff. ''I wish to see my mother and Uncle Leopold. Right now.'' Victoria continued to look around at the empty palace. It reminded her of when she first moved here, how Lord Melbourne had shown her around. Each room empty and in need of life.

She had ordered Lord Melbourne to come back to the palace after the funeral, but half wondered if he would given the circumstances.

Victoria's mother came walking around the corner, her Uncle Leopold behind her. She could see her mother had been crying. But her Uncle's face remained set and cold.

''How dare you dismiss my staff because I needed time to reflect'' Victoria spat ''I will tell my staff what to do. The pair of you come swanning back in here and take charge of my life, what I do and don't do, who I see and don't see. Well I am sick of it!'' Victoria shouted.

''Forgive us Victoria, we assumed you would of wanted some privacy with your family after the funeral'' Leopold spoke calmly towards Victoria, whilst her mother began to sob.

''Well I don't, in fact that is the last thing I want. Life. Goes. On. Grieving will not bring Albert back. Do not go behind my back, if you do not wish to be of any use other than an annoyance then I shall dismiss the pair of you''

''Drina, whatever has got into you'' Her mother's voice was nearly hysterical as she continued to cry in front of her daughter, she stepped out offering her hand, but Victoria stepped back.

''Look at you both'' She scoffed. ''Albert was my husband, you two left us to live in privacy, to start a family and live together like a normal married couple would. Yet, now that he is gone to expect me to fall backwards onto the pair of you. Well forgive me if I do not want your sympathy'' Victoria made use of the empty corridors, shouting at her elders.

''I am so sick and tired of this'' Victoria went to continue nearly in hysterics herself.

''Ma'am'' Lord Melbourne's voice cut her off. She turned towards him, her body was shaking with anger. A thought crossed her mind. One she was not going to think over.

''I am tired of being treated this way'' Victoria continued, her voice had quietened a little. ''I am going to spend the next few days with Lord Melbourne at Brocket Hall''

The Duchess and Leopold stood in shock.

''I do not think that is wise ma'am'' Lord Melbourne said from beside her.

''Have you lost your mind Victoria, you cannot go running back to your past because the present Is to hard to bear. This will ruin your reputation'' Leopold stepped forward and warned Victoria.

''Do NOT talk to me about reputation Uncle'' Her words caused the King to step back as if he had been swiped ''I will have no more discussion on the matter, it would not have come to this if you would of just left me alone'' Victoria snapped aggressively at her elders and turned to Lord Melbourne.

''Lord Melbourne'' Victoria gestured for him to follow her.  
=======================================================================================================

Victoria walked backwards and forwards in her chambers. Lord Melbourne sat stiffy in a chair as he observed her anger.

''Can you believe them!'' She shouted, throwing her hands in the air. ''If I want my staff to be dismissed then I will do so''

''You must understand they had your best interests at heart ma'am'' Lord Melbourne tried to reason with her.

Victoria shot him a look ''No, they do not. If they understood anything about me they would of ASKED me how I was feeling. Not just assume I am beside myself with grief''

He had never seen her like this before. ''As true as that may be ma'am do you think it Is wise to run away from the situation''

Victoria stopped In her pacing and looked at him. ''Im being suffocated! Going to Alberts funeral was the first time I have left the palace since his death, and it was such a relief'' Victoria spoke the last word as though a great weight had been lifted. ''I come back, and the palace is… deserted'' The young woman began to calm, as she seated herself next to him. He saw her hands tremble as she stilled her frame.

''It was not something your Uncle had the authority to do. Is avoiding him going to help matters?''

Victoria looked over to him. He looked so calm and relaxed, remaining impartial as he always used to. It used to make her step back and think about her actions, usually for the better. ''I wish I could avoid him, especially now''

He stayed silent for a moment ''You seem to dislike your Uncle a great deal now'' Lord Melbourne wanted to question it, but thought better of it.

''You have no idea'' Victoria looked up at the ceiling and took a deep breath. ''I need to tell Robert Peel not to have any meetings regarding Albert until I return. Do you think we can stop at the House, before heading to Brocket Hall? Or should I write to him''

''We can pass through if it is your desire. I must confess ma'am I am not entirely sure if this is a wise idea'' He could not hide the caution in his voice.

''Do you not want me at Brocket Hall?'' Victoria asked him plainly.

''I would be honoured ma'am, but—''

''Well that's settled then'' Victoria leaned forward and placed a hand on his. ''Please Lord M, just trust me. I know what I need''

He could not say anything further, her mind was set, and experience told him that no amount of talking could convince her otherwise.  
=======================================================================================================

Lord Melbourne walked around the ball room, all the trees set in their stands, with the biggest one hanging from the ceiling.

Prince Albert had made a huge impact in the palace in such a short space of time, much had changed since he had retired.

Victoria had loved him, he saw the devotion towards him she carried when they got married. How painful it had been to release her hands and watch her run down the hall way to her beloved husband.

He was sure a part of him died that evening.

''William'' Emma's voice snapped him from his thoughts, he looked up to see her worried expression ''Why is Victoria ordering us to get ready to leave for Brocket Hall?''

''Your guess is as good as mine, wrong place wrong time I think'' He sighed

''Victoria told us that she did not wish to be around her family'' Emma pried ''Has she said anything to you?''

''Nothing that you do not already know'' Lord Melbourne replied honestly ''I tried to convince her to stay at the palace, but she was adamant that she wanted to leave''

Emma did not hide her unease as she walked out of the room.

=====================================================================================================  
Lord Melbourne stood beside the doors as the servants loaded the last remaining cases onto the carriages. He could not believe she was doing this. Yet he found it difficult not to enjoy the thought of having her in his home for a short time.

The tapping of her shoes came up the corridors.

''Drina, please wait'' Victoria stopped and turned around to see her mother catching up. Her eyes red from crying. ''Why are you leaving, we are only trying to help'' She cupped her hand on the side of Victoria's face.

''I am sorry mama, but there is helping, and there is enforcing. You have not asked me what I have wanted. You have assumed you know best'' She was cold towards her.

''You have always carried your heart on your sleeve, yet you do not seem to be doing this at the loss of your husband. People are talking Drina'' Her mother warned.

Victoria hated that about her. When she did not do as her mother wished a spiteful comment would be made towards her, as if she would be bullied into agreeing with her.

'' I am not a little girl anymore, so I suggest you stop treating me like one, you never know, I might learn something''

Victoria turned her back on her mother and walked towards the doors.

The carriage drive was quiet. Victoria had ordered her ladies and dresser to travel alone whilst she and Lord Melbourne took the other one. But she did not feel like talking, so she stayed silent, succumbing to her minds thoughts, worries and fears.

''It must be a welcomed change coming so far into London'' Lord Melbourne looked across at Victoria who was studying her hands.

She looked up at him. Before looking out of the carriage window. People stopped and watched the marked carriage roll by. The cases tied to them no doubt caused speculation.  
''What freedom those people hold, they can go and do whatever they please''

''Well, I hope your retreat, if that's the correct word to use will allow you to do the same'' He smiled across at her, but her expression remained blank. ''Could I ask why it is so important for Robert Peel not to see the King on his own?''

''Because it is'' Victoria snapped. ''I know what my Uncle is after and he is certainly not going to get it''

''I see'' Lord Melbourne replied calmly, he saw Victoria's mood change, as if she was panicking about something. He felt guilty for bringing it up. ''It will be ok, whatever it is'' He reassured her.

To his relief she offered him a little smile. ''I am looking forward to seeing your glass houses'' Victoria attempted to make conversation, she did not wish to be so withdrawn''

''I fear you will be surprised, when one has as much time as I do my hobbies take centre stage! They are in bloom as well, a feast for the eyes''

Victoria looked at him, her expression softened. He wasn't even trying, but still, he made her feel better. She had not realised how much she had missed him.

''I have missed you'' Victoria replied plainly. Her eyes found his for a second watching him quirk a smile and lift his eyebrows slightly at her comment. But he remained silent.

Victoria looked across at her dog, peacefully lying in his basket on the floor, unaware of where he was headed but never the less, he did not care.  
======================================================================================================

Victoria walked through the house, Lord Melbourne behind her. All the members of the parties stood in shock and bowed as the Queen hurried past. She did not usually come to the house, and had never come without notice before.

She stopped at The Priminister's office, giving her friend a look he nodded his head and stood waiting outside in the corridor.

''How is retirement treating you Lord Melbourne'' A familiar voice came up from behind him.

Lord Melbourne turned to see The Duke Of Wellington smiling at him. ''Very well sir, although I did underestimate the amount of free time I would find myself with''

''The house can provide great stress, but also, great reward''

''Yes'' Lord Melbourne replied knowingly ''Although I feel the stress covers the rewards the House can offer a good deal''  
=======================================================================================================

''I do not want any meetings with my Uncle Leopold to be conducted without me being present'' Victoria warned her Priminister.

Robert Peel looked across his desk, seeing the young woman was obviously flustered. ''Of course, Your Majesty, but can I ask why? I have had meetings with your Uncle before''

''Yes, I am well aware of that, however Albert was my husband and I do not wish to be excluded from this. Is that understood'' Victoria did not answer his question, but her authority made it impossible for him to argue.

''Yes Your Majesty'' Robert Peel replied.

''I am going away for a few days, I need to spend some time alone. So, I shall not be able to converse with you until I return'' Victoria stood from her seat. ''I will write to you''

Robert Peel nodded as he watched the Queen leave.  
========================================================================================================

Victoria walked out of the door meeting the two men chatting away happily. The Duke looked at the Queen in surprise.  
''Your Majesty, I am very sorry to hear of the death of Prince Albert''

''Thankyou Duke'' Victoria smiled at the aging man before continuing her walk back towards the doors. Lord Melbourne smiled at the Duke before following.

He watched them walk down the halls together. ''Melbourne, your playing a dangerous game'' He murmured to himself, before continuing up the hall.  
=======================================================================================================

By the time they reached Brocket Hall darkness had fell. Victoria saw the warm lights emitting from the hall, the house itself was set way off the quiet road the carriage had travelled down. No other houses surrounded the huge house. The single drive widened as the two carriages pulled up.

Lord Melbourne hopped out of the carriage, quickly making his way round the other side to assist Victoria in stepping down. His memory flashed back to when he was Priminister, watching her step out in her best attire, her crown sparkling in the daylight. Never had he been so proud to be a Priminister.

Victoria stepped down, calling her dog who also made his way down the steps. She looked across the ground. Not a single light, darkness engulfed the land, her eyes struggled to adjust.

''You are never disturbed here are you''

Lord Melbourne laughed a little. ''No ma'am''

''Thank goodness'' Victoria murmured before walking up the steps to the doors, closely followed by her ladies and dresser.  
=======================================================================================================

Leopold sat in the silence of one of the rooms, a glass of Brandy in his hand as he contemplated what to do next.

''I heard Victoria has gone to Brocket Hall'' Ernest spoke from the doorway.

''Yes, and what a silly mistake it was for her to do so'' Leopold did not face him.

Ernest walked into the room and seated himself beside his Uncle. ''She is acting most strange, Harriett said nobody can talk to her without Victoria losing her temper''

''My sister does not think she is grieving'' Leopold replied, he shared the same look as Ernest.

''Do you think she knows?'' He replied quietly.

''I don't know, but one thing is for certain, if she does know, there is a storm coming''

 _ **Ok so im rubbish at cliff hangers! I forgot to mention in the first chapter that this fic, along with any of my others… they are not historically accurate. The time frame in which Victoria was married is much smaller than the one we see on screen. So, try not to put the two together, because it wouldn't add up. Thanks for reading.**_


	4. Lilies

**Lilies**

Victoria looked out at the beautiful grounds of Brocket Hall. The mornings sunlight burning away the frost and remaining snow. Her eyes drawn to the large stone bridge as the water cascaded underneath it. The willow tree's growing up beside it, kissing the grass and the water as its leaves pulled towards the ground.

The place was absolutely beautiful. Victoria had never seen such a view. Set away from London, not a house or factory in sight. With only the sounds of nature and the water ringing in her ears she could see why Lord Melbourne loved it so much.

''Good morning Your Majesty'' Victoria turned from the window, seeing her dresser Mrs Skerrett bow and walk towards her with her dress. ''I trust you slept well''

''Very well'' Victoria smiled ''Did you?''

The dresser paused before smiling ''It is a tranquil place ma'am, a welcomed change from the palace''

''Yes'' Victoria agreed before walking towards the table where the mirror was placed, ready to be dressed for the day.

================================================================================

Victoria walked down the stair case of the hall. Two staircases one on each side of the house joined in the centre, a huge vase filled with sweet smelling flowers sat on a marble stand. Victoria looked at the vase in more detail, the paintings of different flowers and stems lined the china, at the bottom of the vase had a name written on it. Augustus. And further round Sophia. Augustus was his son who died. Victoria remembered him telling her, shortly after the scandal with Lady Flora. But who was Sophia?

Victoria smelt the flowers, they were large and white with a yellow spotted middle. They smelt beautifully sweet, like summer time.

She walked down the final stair case, coming into a grand hall way. The rooms opened up either side of her. She turned back to the stair case, realising that the vase and flowers caught her eye immediately.

Walking through what looked to be a large dining hall Victoria observed the design, and detail of the rooms. She disliked the style of some of the rooms at the palace, they felt dated and old fashioned. But these ones held a modern edge, light colours and beautiful furniture, very similar to her room which she had been most pleased with when she saw it.

The silence in the house was hard to get used to however. Victoria was used to constantly hearing noise, people talking, servants and house keepers working. Meaningless chatter and laughter. She supposed that with only Lord Melbourne here he would need little staff. But she would imagine the place to be very lonely.

Victoria followed the sound of voices. As she walked through another large open room she came to a smaller room, with huge windows looking out onto the grounds. ''Your Majesty'' Emma spoke up as the ladies bowed and smiled. ''Did you sleep well''

''Very well Emma, much to my surprise'' Victoria had not been sleeping well of late, too much to think about. ''You could get lost in here'' Victoria looked back the way she came. ''It is a most beautiful place, much nicer than Windsor''

''Are you ready for breakfast ma'am?'' Harriett asked.

Victoria nodded, and her ladies directed her into a bigger room, a selection of fruit and breakfast meals laid out in front of her. The servants stood in the door way quietly as the ladies conversed and ate. Once Victoria had finished the plates and left-over food were removed, leaving only a tea pot with cups left.

''I cannot get over how modern this place is'' Victoria looked around the room. ''And the setting is beautiful, it makes such a change not to see London out of the window'' Victoria continued to admire the view.

''Do you find Brocket Hall to be to your satisfaction then ma'am'' Emma asked.

Victoria turned to look at her ladies all of them waiting for her to answer ''Yes'' She replied honestly ''Much more than what I thought it would be. Truthfully, when I saw Lord Melbourne come up beside me as I was confronting Mama and Uncle Leopold about dismissing all my staff I just said whatever came into my mind. It surprised me a little. I couldn't stand to be in the palace with them though. I had my reservations of course, but now I am here I do not regret the decision'' 

Her voice was calm, open and friendly. It lifted the mood of her ladies. ''I am glad to hear it ma'am, you look much better'' Emma smiled warmly at Victoria as the rest of the ladies quickly agreed.

================================================================================

Victoria walked through the hallways, looking at the art work hanging on the walls, the paintings consisted of many things. From horses, to scenery, to different countries around the world and wildlife.

She found herself back in the main hall way. Her eyes found the vase again, the flowers standing proud at the top of the staircase.

Victoria turned her head as she heard footsteps coming her way. Only to see that it was Lord Melbourne.

''Good Morning Your Majesty'' He bent down on one knee and kissed Victoria's hand, just like he used to.

''Please Lord Melbourne, this is your home, I am a guest''

''A very special guest'' he reminded her as he stood. ''How are you finding the place?'' 

''It is beautiful Lord M, I was pleasantly surprised when I saw the grounds this morning, the house is exquisite. I look forward to exploring it further''

''In that case you shall know all my secrets'' He joked.  
Victoria looked up at the vase. He followed her train of sight. ''Do you like it?'' He asked 

''It is most extraordinary, the detail painted on it especially. The flowers smell simply divine, as always'' Victoria remembered the flowers he would send to her at the palace. A part of her had missed them a great deal when he retired.

''They are lilies. I started growing them a short while after I retired, they take an incredibly long time to flower in the winter, the glass houses must remain at a certain temperature otherwise they will not come out. The reward is worth it''

''Indeed. I have never smelt something so wonderful'' She smiled at him. ''Do they flower in the summer?'' 

''Yes, they do, and they will flower better in the summer. I hope. This will be the first season, so we shall see'' He paused. ''What are your plans for the day?''

''I shall do my boxes when they arrive, and I am keen to have a look at the grounds''

''Perhaps we could do that now, if you would like some company?''

-

Victoria walked beside Lord Melbourne down a pathway leading towards the river's edge.

''There are many fish in this river, when the sun shines on the water you can sometimes see them, swimming against the current'' Victoria looked further down at a couple of swans sitting on the grass bank.

''There is so much wildlife around here'' She stopped and admired the swans.

''Those two have been here for nearly 3 years now. They always nest further down, where the currents are not as strong. They mate for life, did you know that?''

''No'' Victoria replied ''Animals carry such loyalty'' She said, a hint of sadness in his voice as she continued walking.

Once on the stone bridge Victoria looked over the edge on each side, before admiring the view from all angles. Her coat was blowing in a slight breeze. ''This place is like a retreat. But tell me, how do you live here all the time. Do you not miss London?'' 

He put his hands in his coat pockets, standing in the center of the bridge as Victoria leaned against the stone walled edges.  
''More than I thought I would'' He admitted. ''But, I have things that keep my mind busy here, I would like to think I am not entirely useless now, despite leaving parliament''

''You where never useless Lord M, I found to be rather lost when you left'' Victoria admitted.

''I am sure Albert filled the space well enough, if not better, and your Uncle Leopold was more than supporting enough''

Victoria's face changed at the mention of his name, she turned her back on him and looked over the edge of the bridge. ''Appearances can be deceptive it seems'' 

He walked over and stood beside her. ''We have all done things we regret ma'am'' _Like turning you away._ Lord Melbourne swiped the thought away for another time.

''Well then, my sins are in desperate need of some holy water'' Her comment shocked him a little, what had she done to think of herself in such a way.

He paused, contemplating what to say next. ''May I ask what is troubling you ma'am?''

''You are the first person to ask me'' Victoria paused ''The truth is Lord M, that I do not wish to admit to something that may only cause more suffering and pain. I suppose it is not a viable excuse''

''Isn't causing you a good deal of suffering though, even if you don't admit to anything?''

''I have not done anything wrong, at least I don't think I have'' He could see her trying to make sense of it all. As though what was troubling her was complicated and confusing.

''We spend our lives looking out for our loved ones, yet we often ignore our own heart ache at the expense of someone else's happiness'' He said quietly.

Victoria stood upright and looked at him ''How do you know?'' She almost demanded.

''It is a saying I saw it in a poem once. Although I can't for the life of me remember what poem it was. It served me well in the house at times though''

Victoria visibly softened and resumed her position against the wall, watching the river flow from under the bridge.

He ignored the fact the saying rang true to her.

==================================================================================

Victoria looked over the paperwork from her boxes. Some of the documents still confused her, she appreciated Alberts help at times, although she disliked the idea of him doing them completely.  
Placing her head in her hands she sighed deeply, reading over the paperwork again to try and make sense of it.  
The war in Afghanistan had been going on almost since Victoria had become Queen. Lord Melbourne had assured her he would keep the matter under control and with his guidance there was never any serious problems. But since Robert Peel became Priminister Victoria had insisted she could handle more affairs on her own. Some of which she could thanks to having such a good teacher, but this particular set of papers questioned her judgement slightly.

Victoria found a blank piece of paper and began writing a letter to her current priminister.

''How were your boxes today ma'am?'' Harriett asked over the table as the group all sat down for dinner.

''Im struggling with the Afghanistan papers'' Victoria admitted. Melbourne turned to look at her ''I have written to Robert Peel to see what he advises since I do not know when I will return''

Lord Melbourne found he caught his own words as he was about to offer his assistance. Being out of parliament now he knew he could not get involved in such matters.

==================================================================================

The group chatted amongst themselves in another one of the large rooms. The mood was, to Victoria's noting the best it has been for a long while. She had missed the happiness of her close friends enjoying each other's company, the fact she was in a different environment helped her own state of mind. 

She sipped at another glass of wine, the taste was bitter and dry, not as sweet as champagne and not to her usual liking, but she found the liquid to banish any harassing thoughts she was often plagued with at the moment.

''I can remember the unveiling of that portrait, it seems like such a long time ago now'' Harriett reminisced.

Victoria rolled the words over in her head, that day when Lord Melbourne had re offered his services, she had been uplifted, overjoyed by his offer. Then her mind cast back to Sir John, grasping her arms forcefully and shouting in her face.

''Yes, after that awful birthday incident, what a wretched day that was'' Victoria caught Lord Melbourne's attention.

''I do not recall being told about this'' He pried, curious to know what had gone so terribly wrong on her birthday.

Victoria sat up from her chair placing her half empty glass of wine on the table beside her ''The Royal chef Mr Francatelli made me the most beautiful cake. It had a mini dash on the top'' She smiled as she remembered the cake, looking over to see her dog laying peacefully near the fire. ''When I turned around after opening a present from mama the cake was alive with rats! it obviously gave me a fright. Sir John reacted very harshly towards me, I remember him trying to convince mama I was not sound of mind. They tried to make me stay in bed and rest, but we had the portrait unveiling'' Once she finished Victoria took another large sip of wine. Memories of that awful day came flooding back.

Lord Melbourne knew that Victoria struggled with his resignation, but the degree of what the people around her went to in order to knock her down further had shocked him a little.

''But they didn't win'' Victoria spoke through the silence ''Good or bad, I am here now'' And with that she emptied the glass.

==================================================================================

She was half drunk, she knew that now. Her experience with alcohol was hit and miss, but she was old enough now to know when to stop. 

Half staggering around the emptied room she looked at the painting and ornaments that she had failed to notice before. It was the same room they had spent most of the evening in. Yet she had dismissed her ladies. Lord Melbourne had gone out a while ago, having not returned she assumed he did not wish to spend anymore time with her this evening. 

Victoria found a spot on the floor beside her dog. She felt the swell of tears spill from her eyes.  
''You are the only one who enjoys my company'' Her voice was hardly recognisable as she held back the sobs, stroking her dog whilst trying to comfort herself.

Lord Melbourne entered the room quietly, she had not noticed his presence as she continued to cry, finding comfort in her friend, who probably was the only one who knew what was troubling her so much.

He seated himself a distance from her, she had not noticed him yet. He wanted to comfort her, but he knew that she probably wouldn't accept him, but she probably wouldn't appreciate his unnuanced company either. _Idiot_

Victoria's sobbing slowed, wiping her eyes she looked into the fire. ''I may have been crying, but im not blind''

She had noticed him enter the room, suddenly he felt like he had done wrong, like a child caught stealing food from the kitchen at night ''I am very sorry ma'am, I did not wish to disturb you'' 

Victoria looked over to him, her eyes red and her cheeks still wet. ''I blame it on the wine, it always makes me emotional'' She stood and walked over to a chair, seating herself closer to him.

''Forgive me for asking, but, why do you think nobody enjoys your company?'' His voice was quiet, as if he was worried of her reaction.

Victoria picked up on his hesitation, the fact so many people were walking on egg shells around her upset her further.

''You once told me, that when I gave my heart, I would give it without hesitation'' Her voice still held back unshed tears.

''I remember'' Like he could forget, he often thought back to that awful day.

''But others do not, it seems they are willing to hurt people to get what they desire the most, which is not always love''

He looked over to her. ''Unfortunately, not everybody is as loving as you ma'am'' 

Victoria closed her eyes. ''Evidently not'' She almost whispered as the tears began to flow again.

''If it is any consolation I valued your company a great deal. Not as a Queen but as a friend. I have found some of my company most tedious since retiring from Parliament''

''I regret not staying in touch with you Lord M, you are very important to me. I should not of allowed my Uncle to push our friendship away for the sake of my marriage''

''I believed it was the right thing to do, you had other things to focus on'' He stood from his seat, pulling out a handkerchief from his pocket he took it over to her.

Victoria took it with gratitude as she wiped her eyes. ''Yes, well it seems I trusted my family to much'' She stood up, but felt the room spin a little.

He saw her sway on her feet and stood to, offering his arm she gripped it with her hand. ''Perhaps you should retire ma'am, I feel the wine is disagreeing with you''

Victoria nodded and followed his lead as he guided her through the hall ways and up towards the stair case.

She passed the vase filled with Lilies and found the question left her mouth before she had a chance to think about it.  
''Who is Sophia?'' She asked plainly

He paused, he looked pained at the question she noticed, as if it was a difficult name to hear. He looked over to the vase. ''She was our daughter'' he sighed as he continued ''She was still born, however we had thought of a name and prepared for the birth''

Victoria looked at his expression, a great deal of sadness covered his face as his eyes locked onto the vase. Her hand still on his arm, but it was almost as though he had forgotten she was there.  
''I am very sorry Lord M'' She squeezed her hand on his arm. ''I should not have asked''

''Nonsense'' He said quickly ''Anything you ask I will answer, I have confided in you before'' He hinted ''And I would do it again''

''Do you really trust me so?'' She looked at him as he continued their walk up the stairs leading to her room.

''Of course, no amount of time away from you will change that, you may of gotten married, and we have stopped talking, things change all the time, but it doesn't mean the personalities in people change''

He stopped at the door to her bedroom. She released her hand from his arm, standing to face him she grabbed his hands, just as he had done sometimes.

''I find I have made some regretful decisions in my life Lord M, and letting you go was definitely one of them'' Her eyes searched his for a moment, their bodies where close, he did not say anything in response, he found he couldn't, instead he treasured the space in which she was sharing with him.

Victoria felt something then, like a spark had kindled a flame. Her body felt drawn closer to him, she wanted to feel his comfort and his attention. But instead, she blinked and looked down at their intertwined hands before releasing them.

''Good Night Lord M'' 

''Goodnight ma'am''

 _ **Hope you enjoyed. Please leave a review.**_


	5. A Lost Heart

_**A Lost Heart**_

Victoria sealed the letter to Robert Peel, stamping the envelope she piled it with her boxes, ready to send back to him.

The day had gone by smoothly, every hour spent here she felt more at ease, more so than she had done in months. She had not realised how unhappy she had been at the palace of late.

Standing from her seat Victoria smoothed her dress down and made her way back into the hall way. The day had slipped by, Victoria had enjoyed the tranquillity of Brocket Hall. The staff where quiet and her ladies did not feel the responsibility to follow her about everywhere she went.

The daylight was beginning to fade, in another hour or so darkness would fall. Victoria had not seen Lord Melbourne much today. She had awoken later than usual, her head felt full and painful from the consumption of wine, but she had not woken with the same thoughts and questions in which she had been doing recently, so the positives most definitely outweighed the negatives.

She had however thought a lot about her past, when her and Lord Melbourne spent nearly every day in each other's company, how happy they had been. The talks they shared, the laughing and seemingly meaningless chatter which she relayed in her head most days.

If she could wish for just one thing, it would be to go back there, for one day only, to experience that happiness once more.

She had never stopped caring for him. Her heart and body reminded her of that every time she saw him. It was wrong, her guilt pushed through her daydreams. Her husband was dead, yet she sat there thinking about another man. But should she feel guilty? remembering the burden she was carrying.

=======================================================================================================

Victoria walked through the quiet corridors, she had explored much of the house, his study had been the only area to be kept private from his guests, although she recalled walking in on him in there once.

The grounds where huge, she had hardly touched the surface of those. Everywhere was like a painting, well maintained, the finest details paid such attention to. It paid off, as the minute you walked into a room the windows pulled your eyes to feast on what lied outside.

''Do you know where Lord Melbourne is?'' Victoria asked one of the servants walking past.

''I believe he is walking the grounds Your Majesty'' The servant replied shyly. Victoria smiled and headed towards the double doors at the back of the house.

========================================================================================================

Victoria walked across the un seen grounds, the woodlands set specifically so that you could walk through them, the trees pruned to perfection, casting a wall from the windows of the house. The crisp winter breeze chilled her face that her bonnet did not cover, her coat and gloves covering her delicate form as she strolled through the tree's.  
Suddenly it became very clear, as Victoria remembered where she was walking. A pang of heart ache sunk through her, reminding her of that awful day as she reached the opening.

The rooks had not yet come in to roost for the night. The tree's remained silent as the small area was deserted. Victoria seated herself on the stone bench that sat in the centre. Looking around she recalled every detail from that day when she had visited him. The moment he realised who was walking down the path to him. His face when he realised what she was about to say, and the seemingly meaningless expression he had held as he told her how he felt.

Victoria remembered walking back down the track, tears flowing from her face in a most undesirable fashion. She had sobbed the entire way home and took out her hurt on the people around the palace. It was not until Emma Portman had reminded Victoria of the dedication he put into her, and her mother reminding her of her status that made Victoria rethink her feelings.

But she had been incredibly saddened when she realised he too had no choice but to turn her away, that he knew he was doing right by her, like he always had done. She had been a fool, and a pang of regret rushed through her as he backed away from her at the costume ball.

She had no other option really. Albert became more and more appealing, and she found that Lord M had become a third wheel of sorts. Listening to her family she had slowly stopped seeing him, he retired from parliament and she continued to live her life.

What a mistake that had been.

''Ma'am?'' His voice struck Victoria clean out of her day dream, he was stood right beside her. She jumped in surprise.

''I nearly forgot where I was all together'' Victoria admitted as her mind raced back to the here and now.

''I often find myself in that position'' He seated himself beside her. Victoria heard the calling sound of the rooks beginning to roost for the night. He looked up into the tree tops.

''Would you rather I leave you alone? I did not intend to come here, it is very easy to get lost it seems''

''Of course not, your company is much appreciated. Besides, getting lost just means you find something you're not looking for''

Victoria smiled, but it was not one of happiness, but one of sorrow and pain. It hurt him to see her so upset, so burdened. ''Your words, they are always such a comfort to me. As though they carry a great deal of wisdom'' She turned to him. ''I was wrong to think I could continue as Queen without you'' She admitted.

''Albert made a very trusty advisor'' He reminded her ''Unfortunately as Queen you must replace your staff as your life changes''

''You were not my staff Lord Melbourne, you were a friend''  
Victoria stood from her seat. Looking around her. ''I have some awful memories of this place''

''As do I ma'am'' He replied sorrowfully.

''When I came here that day, I offered you my heart, I wanted to spend my life with somebody whom I trusted, and who was a friend before anything else''

''But you married for love ma'am, and it was to someone much more suited, I could not of given you what you would of wanted in a husband''

''But you did!'' She began to raise her voice ''I did marry for love, but what a foolish mistake it turned out to be'' Tears began to fall from her eyes, he did not recall ever seeing her cry, but he remained quiet and still.

''Who would love a woman of my age and inexperience in such a position. Whoever I married would not of been my equal in so many types of law, all these ties around allowances and children, what can be done and what can't. What types of marriage there are. It was all a big headache'' She paused. ''Nobody would have married me for love''

''Albert did ma'am'' He spoke quietly this time as her tears continued to flow.

''No'' She shook her head ''He didn't'' Victoria paused contemplating her words. ''Shortly after we returned from Windsor I over-heard a conversation between Uncle Leopold and Albert'' She paused again taking a deep breath ''He told his Uncle how he couldn't stand my childish manner, and that I will make a terribly stubborn wife''

Anger rushed through Lord Melbourne, but the shock of what he was hearing rendered him speechless.

''Uncle Leopold then told Albert what he was doing was for the good of his family, that the allowance and fortune of such a status will pay off in many ways. He just had to remain polite to me and be a good civil husband. Albert seemed genuinely repulsed by the idea''

Victoria paused again, catching her breath as she tried to control the sobbing. Lord Melbourne remained quiet, filtering the information carefully, ensuring he did not take anything the wrong way. Her behaviour certainly made sense.

''You married Albert for love thinking that he loved you in return'' He replied slowly.

Victoria nodded. ''But he did not, not at all. And what hurts the most, is that I gave him my love with a huge weight of hesitation, for I remember that I left my heart here with you that day, and I have never really found it since''

This time she could not control her sobbing, sinking to the cold floor Victoria cried and cried and cried, as if a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders, that she was finally able to do what she had been dying to do all along.

He stood from his seat, sinking down next to her he enveloped her in his arms, she clutched to him as if he where a life raft in the roughest seas, sobbing every inch of pain she held into his jacket. He rubbed her back slowly as he held her close. Pain stabbed his heart as he realised just what she had been through since he had left.

''Oh... Victoria'' He murmured to her as he continued to soothe her broken form.

========================================================================================================

Victoria sat in his study, beside the blazing fire she cradled the glass of sherry he had handed her.

He walked back over from the drinks stand. The room was dim, only two candles in the entire room were lit. The fire casting most of the light.

He sat down beside her, she had a blanket round her shoulders, they had remained outside for a good while, returning once darkness had fallen, the cold had gotten to them both by then. Cradling his glass of Brandy carefully he searched over her features, her face was drawn and tired, the evidence of her tears still clear on her face.

''How long have you known?'' He spoke through the silence.

''About 10 months'' Victoria replied plainly.

He shut his eyes momentarily before sipping his drink. ''It is no surprise that you have not grieved much'' He tried to reason with her, knowing the battle she was now facing.

''I felt terrible, for the first thing I thought of when he died was that I was free'' Her voice laced with tears again. ''I should not of felt that''

''Did he not tell you or give you any clues as to his true emotions?'' Lord Melbourne asked this question somewhat carefully.

''If I had not of heard them talking I would not of known, perhaps I should not have overheard. I have been utterly miserable since that day, knowing that my entire life with him was a lie''

''Does anybody else know?''

Victoria shook her head before sipping at her sherry. ''Who on earth could I possibly tell''

''I am sure your ladies would have been some help to you, after all you spend much of your time with them, they could have been a good help to you''

''I do not trust them enough, as bad as it sounds. Nobody in the palace can say anything in private''

''I suppose that's true'' He admitted. But then he thought of the amount of conversations they had shared, how many things she had confided in him.

''I am surrounded by people, yet I have never felt so alone'' Her words rung painfully true to him.

''I have made such terrible mistakes, things that Albert's death cannot change. I never trusted my families help and advice when I first became Queen, yet somehow marriage changed that. How foolish of me''

He stood from his seat and moved to sit closer to her. Putting his hand over hers he squeezed it to try and comfort her. ''You cannot blame yourself for this''

She looked at him, her eyes shinning in the dull light of the fire. Her emotions had drained the bright woman that he was so used to seeing. It aged him inside.

''I do not think there is one day that I didn't think about you'' Victoria admitted sorrowfully ''It seems anybody who I love does not love me in return''

He had always admired her tenacity and confidence of her own judgement, she had never been unsure of anything that her mind was set on. But this, this awful secret to bear had destroyed her confidence. This beautiful, smart woman, who held such responsibility no longer trusted herself, all that for the fortune of others.

He felt exceedingly guilty for that. And suitable or not, he just had to assure her of something.

''Turning you away… it broke me inside…'' He paused ''I have faced many things in my life, however that, was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do''

Victoria's face changed. The unanswered questions from all that time ago shot back in her head. ''Then why did you''

''Marrying you, would have made me the most selfish man in the world, I believed somebody else could make you so much happier'' His voice had changed, it faltered as he spoke. He did not release her hand. ''I have felt nothing but sadness and pain since you told me of your engagement, watching you get married. But you looked so happy, and to me, that was all that mattered''

Victoria didn't blink until a tear fell from her eye. ''My happiness was short lived, and I truly believe that is because you left my life''

''Any man would be exceedingly lucky to have your affection. Albert was a fool to treat you in such a way. But you cannot blame yourself''

''I gave you my heart...'' Victoria repeated for what may have been the hundredth time ''Because I wanted it to be loved, cherished and protected from the trials I face every day. I left it with you that day, not by choice but by force, because I knew I could never love somebody like I loved you, and here it is. Still intact. Because of you. You should think better of yourself Lord M'' Victoria whispered the last part. She was leaning in closer this time, but she did not take her eyes off his.

He felt her lips touch his own. The softest of kisses, but it held so much, she held her lips there, inches away from his. He knew he shouldn't, but something was awoken from within him. The over powering impulse to prove to her just how much he still cared for her. If that was even possible.

He sealed her mouth in a kiss, pulling her lips into his own as he shared her breath. It was a slow, savouring sort of kiss. He could taste the sherry on her lips as he held his mouth against her own, before slowly parting from her.  
She was breathless, a blush appearing across her face as she kept hold of his hand.

''I have never wanted anything more than I do your heart'' Victoria almost whispered to him, as if it was a forbidden statement.

''You have always had it'' He replied.

 _ **I hate writing sad chapters, I always feel its so hard to portray storylines and characters in ways that readers will relate to. We all deal with death in different ways, so im hoping that the twist in this puts it into a new light. Please leave a comment if you can, this was difficult to write. Thanks for reading.**_


	6. Flowers

**Glass Houses**

Victoria looked out of the big glass window as the rain fell down the panes. The sound of it hitting the glass soothed her busy mind against the quiet room.

She had felt a great deal of relief when she awoke this morning, a part of her regretted telling Lord Melbourne yesterday. It was something she had never thought of telling anybody. She felt ashamed that she was in this position.

But, she could not ignore her own inner peace, that finally somebody knew. Of course Alberts death had upset her, but it would anybody, seeing someone die in your arms, his lifeless body against her. But she had spent months hiding her feelings, pretending everything was ok and knowing that Albert did not love her, and he never would. The burden just became bigger once he had died.

''A rubbish day isn't it'' Lord Melbourne's voice dragged her from her daydream and from the window.

Victoria turned and smiled at him ''Yes, although there is something rather tranquil about the noise the rain makes when it hits the window, I do not get that at the palace, there is always to much going on to notice such detail''

''I have often walked to the river bank when it is raining, hearing the rain hit the water is most enticing, only in the summer time though'' He admitted ''It is much to cold in the winter''

She let out a small laugh along with a smile ''Yes, I suspect it is''

''Do you have much planned for today ma'am?'' He asked cheerfully. They had yet to address the fact he knew about Albert. But Victoria found herself rather thankful for that.

''Not really, I am growing rather fond of the free time I have here, it is such a refreshing change'' Victoria paused ''I am waiting for my boxes, and will hopefully hear back from Robert Peel regarding some documents that are rather difficult to comprehend''

''Your boxes are arriving later than usual ma'am, I suppose the distance increases the time span''

''They have been relatively easy since Albert died, I feel Robert is being rather kind in that sense, he told me before I came here that he would be happy to handle matters of state until I felt well enough to return properly''

''You did not accept his offer'' He replied plainly

''Of course not, I needed the distraction, it doesn't matter what way you look at it, grief will always dispel with distraction'' She cupped her hands at her waist and tilted her head to the side slightly.

''Perhaps you would accompany me to the glass houses ma'am? I feel you would love to hear the rain hitting the glass in there''

Victoria nodded and smiled ''I would love to Lord M''

=======================================================================================================

The glass houses were warm in contrast to the outside world, the dim light of the day and the driving rain was shut out, despite the sound of it hitting the roof and sides she felt untouchable. As though nothing or nobody could reach her in here.

His collection had grown, she remembered coming to see him once in here before, when he was still in parliament, his work had often taken priority and in response his collection of tropical plants had been at a manageable level. But since he had retired it was clear he spent most of his time in here.

The entire layout had been changed, gravel pathways wound through the house, with tall and short, bright and dull, big and small flowers and plants lined the open spaces. The place was like a tropical paradise, the glass was crystal clear, Victoria could vaguely see her own figure in the reflection of the glass as she walked around the pathways.

''You should be very proud Lord M, I have never seen such a beautiful collection'' She turned and smiled at him as she continued to look around, her hand tracing some of the flowers that were out, sniffing the occasional one, trying to place their scent. It was a glorious place.

''Did all the flowers you sent me come from here?'' She asked as she marvelled at a rather exotic looking plant.

He nodded ''This is what happens when you retire'' He half joked at her

''You should never have retired'' Victoria replied plainly, her back was to him as she breathed in a small bunch of purple flowers with a white spotted centre.

But her eyes were drawn to a stem, carrying a bunch of large white flowers and beside it some deep pink and purple ones. Victoria did not need to smell them, she already could. ''These'' She cradled the flower ''These are the lilies''

''Yes ma'am, they make good vase flowers, yet I find I much prefer them on the stem''

Victoria nodded in agreement. ''I used to love the flowers you would send me, especially for dances''

''I used to love seeing you wear them, it made the effort worthwhile'' He admitted.

Victoria turned to look at him, she saw the sadness in his eyes as they shared the same thought. How and when did things get so difficult. Life had been so easy when he was beside her, she was so happy. He had convinced her she would be happy without him, but he was wrong.

''I would like you to come back to the palace with me'' Victoria stated her wish plainly

''I do not think that is wise ma'am'' He replied regretfully

''Nobody else knows about myself and Albert other than my Uncle Leopold, I cannot stand to be in the same place as him without some support. I have endured so much with you, but was unable to do that when you left''

Lord Melbourne lead her over to a bench, seated in the centre of the glass house. Sitting her down before doing the same himself.

''I do not want your reputation to be tarnished because of my presence ma'am, returning to the palace will do this''

''No it wouldn't Lord M, above all else to the public you are my friend, as far as they are concerned I am a grieving wife who is surrounded by close family and friends. I need somebody beside me who knows the truth, who I can confide in and spend time with without worrying about what I might say''

She spoke with such honesty, it was one of the many things he admired about her.

Victoria studied his expression for a moment, he continued to look at the green plants surrounding him. His mind was split two ways. He knew how difficult retiring had been, how much he had missed her company, his heart jumped at the chance of being within her company again, but he knew her family would look badly upon it.

''I am The Queen'' Victoria quietly reminded him, but could not keep the smile off her face.

Her tone was different, and for the first time since he had laid eyes on her since Albert's death she looked happier, more like the woman he had fallen in love with. ''Would it really make you happy?'' He asked her, searching her face for hesitation or doubt but instead he found nothing but determination.

''Yes'' She replied gripping both her hands in his. ''I do not believe that Albert's death was a tragedy, I regretfully look at it as a blessing, for the circumstances have pushed us back into each other's lives, and I cannot walk away from you again''

''In that case ma'am, who am I to deny you'' He smiled warmly to her squeezing her hands in his own.

======================================================================================================

Victoria looked at herself in the mirror, the dress hugged her curves, her diamond necklace and bracelet stood out against the dark purple of her dress.

''Is everything to your liking ma'am'' Mrs Skerrett looked at Victoria's reflection as she studied her overall look for the evening.

A knock at the door swiped her answer away as she turned before saying ''Enter''  
The two women looked over to the very shy and awkward looking servant. He glanced at the two ladies before looking back down at the basket he held in his hands.  
''From Lord Melbourne Your Majesty'' He spoke quietly and kept his eyes on the ground as Victoria walked towards him.

He was a very young man, clearly unsettled by Victoria's presence, she wanted to remind him it was rude not to face The Queen directly, but his posture and anxious stance created a sense of innocence to her eyes making it impossible for her to reprimand him.

Victoria walked over to the deep basket, as she looked into it she saw an oray of flowers, all different colours and sizes laid out delicately in the base of the basket. She gasped as she gently took the handle from the servant before encouraging him to look up and at her. ''Thankyou'' She spoke quietly and smiled as she saw the servant visibly relax before bowing and leaving the room.

As the door shut Victoria turned to her dresser who was trying very hard not to laugh.  
''He was terrified'' Victoria whispered as she held back a laugh ''Lord M has a lot to answer for'' She handed the basket over to the dresser. ''Could you incorporate these into my attire this evening?''

''In what way ma'am?'' Mrs Skerrett asked curiously

Victoria stayed quiet for a moment before moving the mirror away from her view ''Surprise me'' She said cheerfully.

======================================================================================================

Lord Melbourne had planned this dinner well before Albert's death. His brother was in the area and had insisted on bringing his family over to see him. Lord Melbourne had openly accepted the invitation and offered a meal followed by an overnight stay, so they could spend some time together, he had been lonely at the time and recalled craving the company of family and friends.

Yet his brother did not know that Victoria, her ladies and her dresser were here as well. Something inside him rather enjoyed the prospect, his brother had always been witty and had something to say, Lord Melbourne was looking forward to seeing him speechless at his rather special house guest.

He walked over the laid table, the servants had done well, tirelessly cleaning and organising the big room for the rather large crowd he was feeding tonight.

''Are you sure this is a good idea?'' Emma's voice pulled him out of his thoughts

''I do not have much choice'' But his voice was upbeat ''Besides, George always did love a challenging situation'' He smiled at his friend who remained with a worried expression.

''You do not seem very worried about it. I would be, George is often known for speaking his mind'' Emma replied with a small smile.

''Well, maybe it will teach him some manners. Have you seen the Queen this evening?'' He asked, trying to change the subject.

''No, I suspect she will be down shortly. Whatever you have done, it has worked wonders, she is so much happier within herself and to others'' Emma smiled and walked off.

''You are not going to ask me what it is I have done?'' He lifted his arms to his friend who continued to walk away.

''You wouldn't tell me if I did'' Emma shouted before walking around a corner and out of sight.

He smiled but remained quiet.

=======================================================================================================

Victoria walked down the staircase, her dress dragging behind her, she looked at the vase of lilies briefly before continuing her walk down the stairs. The hallways had distant chatter but other than that remained quiet.

She walked into the dining area, looking across at the table laid out ready for the guests that where expected. Lord Melbourne had told her very little about his family other than his wife and children, she had known he had a brother but had never found any reason to find out anymore about him.

Victoria walked into a quiet side room, the door slightly open, the room was well lit, a large book case and small desk took up the majority of the room, the big window outlooked onto the back of the grounds. She imagined it would be a good view.

The room was very tidy, it remained untouched, the dust on the table proved that. Her hand ran along the books lined in the case, reading some of the titles she came to a picture at the end. It was pinned to the side of the case. 4 people and a dog, a family portrait it would seem. They all looked happy. Victoria felt a stab of resentment as she looked at what she never had. But she recognised nobody in the picture.

''There you are ma'am'' His voice echoed across the silent room causing her to jump and spin around.

Victoria placed a hand over her chest. ''Goodness Lord M, you terrified me'' she said before releasing a breath of relief. ''I am sorry, I did not wish to intrude''

He leant on the door frame taking in the sight of her. She was beautiful. ''Any room you wish to go in you are welcome to, you are my guest after all'' He smiled at her as he continued to look over her figure, he walked into the room towards her, closing the space between them. Victoria couldn't move, she felt rooted to the spot and unable to look anywhere but in his eyes.

''The flowers look lovely ma'am'' His sight moved up to her hair. Victoria had forgotten how her dresser had included the flowers into her hair and pinned one on the front of her chest.

She smiled at him. ''Thank-you, I told Mrs Skerrett to surprise me with them, she arranged them beautifully''

''Can you smell them? Being pinned in your hair'' He continued to look at the flowers.

''Not really, I suppose they are to far back'' She lifted a hand and delicately touched them, they felt weightless in her hair, yet encouraged such an elegance about her.

''May i?'' He asked quietly, his voice low and deeper than she was used to hearing. She held in a breath and nodded as she turned her head to the side slightly.

He very slowly bent his head towards the flowers, taking a shallow breath as he took in their sweet scent mixed in with hers. He pulled back a touch but not enough for her to look in his eyes. He released a breath, it tickled her bare skin on her neck, her body visibly shuddered and Victoria suddenly felt thankful for the bookcase she was leaning on.

He released a small smile before placing a delicate kiss just below her ear, it was featherlike, enough for her to feel but to fleeting for her to react. She released a small sigh as the place his lips touched hers burnt into her memory, absorbing every little detail.

Lord Melbourne pulled further away, meeting her eyes as he remained close to her. Victoria gripped the bookcase hard, feeling her fingers strain with the force she was bestowing upon them.

''My apologies ma'am'' His voice was deep and husky, he went to move away from her, but Victoria caught the back of his back with her hand, pulling him down she met his lips with her own.

This time there was no fleeting kiss, no regret or sorrow, no goodbye waiting afterwards. It was as though every moment they shared, knowing their feelings for each other built into this one kiss. It was filled with longing, love and desire, the desperation seeped through the two of them, filling their hearts with light as their bodies touched.

It took him less than a second to respond, his body pushed against hers, pinning her to the bookcase as his hands found her face, cupping it in his hands as he held her mouth to his own, her lips moved expertly with his, allowing him to draw her bottom lip in with his teeth as he nibbled on the flesh he found there, his hands moved from her face, down her shoulders and round her waist, pressing against the confines of her corset urging her body towards his.

He parted from her for a second, catching his breath as he watched her do the same. He places a gentle kiss to the side of her mouth before moving across her jaw and down her neck applying more force as he pulled the skin he found there, niping tenderly at her bare flesh.

He could hear her humming appreciation for the attention.

''William, where on earth are you'' George's loud voice echoed across the room, reaching Lord Melbourne's ears, within seconds he was off Victoria, pulling at his jacket as he looked over to her, leaning on the bookcase trying to regain her composure. He smiled wickedly at her only to get an innocent look in return.

''There you are'' George walked into the room, his presence covered the awkwardness that filled the air.

''George, how good to see you'' Lord Melbourne walked over to his brother. ''Where are your family?'' He asked, trying to keep the attention off Victoria.

''So you are the famous George, I have heard good things'' Victoria smiled as she offered her hand to the much younger man expecting him to drop down on one knee and kiss it.

''I should hope so, I was always the good one!'' He winked at William before taking her hand gently and shaking it. ''Come on, you two must see the children, and Anna'' And with that he turned and walked out of the room.

Victoria looked at the equally shocked Lord Melbourne before following George.

 _ **Oh I loved writing this! Things are getting interesting now. As ever thanks for reading and please leave a review!**_


	7. Brotherly Love

_**Brotherly Love**_

''I hope my brother is taking good care of you'' George's voice was cheerful and upbeat, he looked and behaved nothing like Lord Melbourne and was much younger than him. Victoria found his presence somewhat refreshing but his relaxed state confused her knowing she was still The Queen.

''He has been treating me very well thank you, there should be more in the world like Lord M'' Victoria's voice was soft and informal as she looked beside her. Lord Melbourne looked down at her, his expression made her heart melt.

''Indeed, there should ma'am, the pair of us just cannot keep all these women happy'' George turned around and winked before laughing at his brothers horrified expression.

Victoria looked over to Lord Melbourne who shared the same confused expression as they walked into a large room, a selection of divans set around the large space, all her ladies and George's family sat there, laughing and talking with two young children playing with some toys on the floor.

The sight was so familial. Victoria suddenly did not feel like a Queen, but like a young woman surrounded by close friends.

''Anna, look who I found'' George's voice caught his wife's attention as the three stopped in the centre of the room. The young woman scrambled from the floor to her feet walking towards Victoria she bowed respectively.

''Your Majesty'' The shock in her voice was evident.

''I was talking about William'' George said whilst trying not to laugh at his wife's awkward stance.

''You failed to mention we would intrude on the Queen tonight George'' Anna almost snapped at her husband.

George lifted his hands in defence ''I had no idea Her Majesty was going to be here'' He said in mock confusion. ''You have William to blame for that''

''Are you not going to bow to the Queen, like Anna did'' Lord Melbourne prompted his brother.

''George!'' Anna's voice was filled with embarrassment.

Victoria placed a hand on Lord Melbourne's arm. ''Its ok Lord M, I am your guest, I have no status here''

''Exactly'' George chipped in before his brother could protest. ''We are here to relax and enjoy each other's company'' He smiled warmly to Victoria who couldn't help but succumb to his charm before finding a spot to sit down.

========================================================================================================

The group sat and talked for ages. Victoria lost track of the stories she was told. The atmosphere was relaxed.

''So, what brings you to Brocket Hall?'' George asked Victoria as he sipped at his Brandy.

''Everybody fancies a change in scenery every now and then'' Victoria replied honestly ''The palace has become a prison of late''

''It was a shock when I read the papers, what an awful thing to happen'' George said plainly before getting slapped by his wife.

''Have some respect'' Anna snapped at her husband. ''I am terribly sorry for your loss ma'am, and for my husband, discretion is not exactly his strong point''

Victoria smiled at the woman ''It is ok, really'' Victoria paused ''Life moves only in one direction, the best thing we can do is move with it'' She said calmly as she sipped at her wine.

''You are awfully quiet brother'' George said to Lord Melbourne who sat watching the children on the floor. He looked up, being dragged from his thoughts.

''I can hear you, really George, your manners are far from desirable'' He glared at his brother only to be given a flashy smile in return.

Victoria looked down at the children, one boy and one girl, playing with their dolls and teddy's, the toys laid across the floor almost forgotten as the two played together with two stuffed bears. They where far to young to understand what was going on around them. ''They are very well behaved'' Victoria said to Anna

Anna smiled ''They are, most of the time!''

=======================================================================================================

The evening was drawing in, the group had sat down to a delicious dinner, they all ate as they pleased and chatted together, no rules, no when the Queen has finished everybody else has also finished. Victoria felt alien to the change in her life yet so at home at the same time. She was enjoying the lack of authority.

Lord Melbourne on the other hand continued to treat her as a Queen, he would stand when she stood, stop eating when she did, and stop talking when she wanted to speak. Victoria respected him for that yet wanted him to relax like his guests had.

''Say goodnight to everybody'' Anna spoke to her daughter who looked around the room at the group of adults, her eyes laid on Victoria who sat beside Lord Melbourne.  
She crawled over to Victoria and began pulling herself up onto her knees by gripping her dress. Holding her arms out to indicate she wished to be picked up by the monarch.

Victoria looked down at the young girl before gently lifting her and sitting her on her lap. The room was quiet as everybody watched what was happening. Anna stood in the centre of the room as the young girl tried to reach Victoria's hair.

''The flowers'' Lord Melbourne said from beside her. ''May I ma'am?'' Victoria nodded as Lord Melbourne delicately took a flower from her hair, bringing it down to the little girl and giving it to her.

''Charlotte has always loved flowers, I was afraid she would try to eat them at first, you know what toddlers are like'' Anna paused ''But she just cradles them, and looks at them. Its rather endearing'' The mother smiled at her daughter who remained in Victoria's lap, holding the little flower carefully in her hands.

Victoria watched the child with great interest before looking up to Lord Melbourne who also sat watching the little girl.

Charlotte lifted her head and looked at the pair of them before breaking out into a large smile. Victoria did the same as she felt her heart fill with the love that was being offered.

''Right, come on you'' Anna walked over and picked Charlotte up off her lap. ''Thankyou'' She smiled to Victoria and then to Lord Melbourne.

=======================================================================================================

Lord Melbourne followed his brother into a quiet room, away from the ladies who sat happily talking. It was late, and everybody was soon to retire.

''You never were good with hierarchy's'' Lord Melbourne said before sighing at his brother.

''Come on William, you know as well as I do that she isn't here as a Queen'' He smiled as he sipped at his drink.

''So, you did know who she was when you first saw her'' He asked curiously

''Of course, im not a hermit. I know what the Queen looks like, and I know full well what the pair of you were doing before I walked in''

Lord Melbourne's face fell and his stomach dropped ''I don't know what your talking about, she is a grieving wife''

''That may be, but you still care for each other… Relax, I won't breathe a word of it to anyone, but take a word of advice, she wont be here forever''

''You never were one for mincing your words brother. But I cannot do that, she is the Queen!''

''Not here she isn't'' George replied ''What harm can it do, you two indulging in whatever you have going on''

Lord Melbourne had always despised his brothers carefree attitude, it had got him so far in life and whenever a problem arose he didn't look at it as a problem but as a challenge. His charm kept him alive, he was sure of that. ''it's a little more complicated than that!'' He snapped in a lowered tone.

''Why is it so complicated?'' George asked with little interest.

Lord Melbourne paused, his face changed as he contemplated saying what he felt. ''I am in love with her'' He replied slowly ''I was before she got married. And to make matters worse, she asked me to marry her before meeting Albert and I turned her down for obvious reasons''

''Even more reason to sort the problem now!'' George exclaimed slapping his brother on the arm ''You overthink things William, what harm could it possibly do''

''You haven't got a clue have you''

''I know that she still loves you'' George replied bluntly

''How could you possibly know that'' Lord Melbourne sighed looking over to his brother before taking a rather large gulp of his drink.

''Anybody with eyes can see it William, That woman spent most of the evening looking at you, the atmosphere between you two is unbelievable''

''That doesn't make it any easier George, when she returns to the palace she will become Queen again, if I divulge in my own inclinations now it will cause repercussions when she goes back. I cannot do that, it is selfish''

''Then why is she here?''

''To get away from her family, Albert's death caused her a great deal of grief, she came to escape that''

George smiled before laughing ''You are not as smart as you think you are William'' He said before slapping his shoulder again and walking away.

Lord Melbourne sighed in fustration before looking down at the drink in his hand.

=========================================================================================================

''Your brother is a character'' Victoria remarked as Lord Melbourne came back into the room and sat beside her. The fire was blazing, casting a warm glow across the now quiet room. It was late, and Victoria felt her body grow heavy and tired, the wine was pulling her into a quiet daze, yet she wanted to spend some time with Lord Melbourne alone.

''I cannot express my apologies enough for my brothers behaviour towards you, it was un excusable and—''

Victoria placed her hands in his, stopping him from finishing his sentence ''It is ok Lord M, it was so refreshing to not be treated as a Queen but as a woman'' She smiled. ''You are very lucky''

''I do not see them often, we live such different lives, our characters are polar opposites to each other, I am often envious on his outlook to situations''

''Everybody deserves to be a little selfish in their lives, it does not make you a bad person'' She caught his gaze, drawing it up to match hers.

''Charlotte was very interested in you'' He looked at the flowers still delicately placed in Victoria's hair.

''It seems she is not the only one'' Victoria whispered as a blush crept across her face.

He continued to look at the flowers, trying to slow his racing mind. ''Can I not take pride in my work ma'am?''

''Less of the ma'am, and majesty'' Victoria scoffed. ''Try Victoria''

''I fear it is force of habit, it appears your name is forbidden in such terms given your status''

Victoria turned her body to face him, her knees touching his legs through her dress. He looked down at their intertwined hands, his thumb running over her knuckles. When he looked up he saw her contemplating his expressions as though she was trying to read his thoughts. ''Stop treating me like a Queen, just while im here, treat me like a woman''

''It would be very selfish of me'' He replied, his voice low and full of sadness.

''Be selfish, and perhaps, air on the side of saying yes, even if it is just for me''

''Nothing in this world would make me happier'' He replied quietly.

Victoria could see his defences coming down, his self-preservation was cracking slightly. But she could also see the utter torment he faced within himself. The rules he recited over and over, forcing himself to put his inclinations under hers. ''I am no longer a child Lord M, I know what I want, I know the risks. But whilst I am here I am protected from the hassles in London, so why don't you indulge in your inclinations, as I know mine are the same''

He closed his eyes, as if every inch of his self-control was being held on by a piece of string, the weight of years of love, desire and devotion hanging by a thread.

He could blame it on the drink, despite the amount he had consumed he had never felt more sober as he looked into her eyes, seeing his belonging, feeling the peace he found there. It was something he hadn't experienced in years. He knew where to find It, but it was a dangerous path, one he had vowed not to walk down.

''How do you know this is what you want, and it isn't the grief talking'' He spoke cautiously, not wanting to offend her, but not wanting to hurt his own heart. He had to know the truth.

''I loved Albert, I cannot deny that, I married him for certain reasons, but the paramount one was because I wanted to make my family proud, to do what was right for the crown. I didn't love him like I love you'' She paused, thinking over her words ''My love for you was one of risk without reward. We where not forced together, we enjoyed company as friends, it turned into love on its own, a natural kind that was too powerful to ignore. I told Mrs Skerrett about my trip to Brocket Hall, I knew she would remain quiet, which she did. She told me that although it may not seem like it, you loved me enough to turn me away, for the sake of my future happiness. It was the only reason I tried to move on. But I never felt any happiness with Albert like I felt with you, we never shared that''

''Bringing up your past does not kill the demons you have to walk with, the past are often the demons you face in the future'' He replied, reciting what somebody had once told him.

''That may be, but you are not a demon Lord M, and I know the risks, the problems that may occur, I am not asking for anything detrimental to the crown, I am asking for your love, here, in your home, we have all the privacy we could need''

He did not pull his eyes from hers, for he knew that she was much older, wiser, yet her determination still sat in her heart just as it did when she first became Queen. ''You are still the Queen'' He reminded her ''I cannot look past that''

''I am not asking you to look past that, I am asking you to look at the other part of me, the young woman who wants your love, even if it is just for the duration of my stay here''

He sighed, struggling to think of a reason to turn her away, not for her sake but for his, his body was slowly giving up. His inclinations pushing through his mind.

''What would your brother do'' Victoria's eyes sparkled as she realised she hit a sore spot.

And with that, the string snapped. He closed the gap between them within seconds, giving her no warning as he pulled her lips into his own, taking in her gasp of surprise as he sucked the air clean out of her lungs. His lips moved effortlessly against hers as she began to reciprocate his advances, parting her lips granting him access to her mouth.

He pulled her bottom lip in-between his teeth, nipping at it as she moaned quietly leaning into his frame as one hand wrapped round her waist and the other at the back of her neck.

He leant against her pushing her slim figure backwards as her back found the seat of the divan allowing him to hover on top of her, he toyed with the loose hair at the back of her neck whilst his lips moved down to her jaw, towards her ear and then down her neck, he found a particularly sweet spot near her collarbone revelling in the way she moaned and sighed as he worked his lips against that spot, figuring out what it was she enjoyed most.

Her body writhed underneath his as her hands began exploring his back, pulling him closer to her. They found the waistband of his trousers and followed the line round to the front. He held back a groan as her fingers danced over the buttons before moving back up his waist.

He sensed no hesitation, no fear or regret, her body sung to his advances as did his to hers. He became unravelled by her, loosing himself within the haze of passion and arousal he was experiencing, every sound she made, every move her body made pushed him further and further towards her, he became lost within her.

''Perhaps I should use the brother card more often'' Victoria said in a breathy voice, as he paused his actions on her neck. He looked up at her, she had her lip between her teeth as she tried to hold back a smile.

''You will regret saying that'' His voice was barely recognisable, shielded with arousal and down an octave lower. It sent shivers down her spine.

He raised up off of her, taking her hand he helped her to sit up, before standing.

''Do you still wish to be treated like a woman'' He asked her, trying to catch his breath and steady his heart. A niggling thought in the back of his mind panicked him, he was concerned she would have regrets.

''God yes'' She replied before standing herself and taking his offered hand. His wicked smile turned the flame burning inside her to a blazing fire.

 _ **Now im a little stuck, I could keep it as a T Rated chapter or rank it up to an M rated chapter. But I don't want to ruin it, the plot is rather…painful (emotionally) and perhaps an M chapter every so often would boost it a little? Let me know what you think.**_


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